Sean Carton's Bad Blog

Sat, 21 May 2005 19:00:45 GMT

Dr. Sean!

Yup, I finally did it! Here I am in all my goofy glory, looking like a giant dork...I'm sorry...Dr. Dork...in front of the "battle monument" on Mt. Royal Avenue after graduation. I still don't think it's sunken in yet, though I've gotten Emma to call me "Dr. Daddy," so that's one hurdle crossed. The ceremony was classic "grauduation" (boring speakers, annoying student reps, lots and lots and lots of names), but I was fortified by a Natty Boh and a shot of Jagermeister downed at the Mt. Royal Tavern beforehand, so I think I suffered through it pretty well. Next? On to law school, maybe? I'm thinking that Penn might not be such a bad idea. Hell, I'm young. I've got time to suffer.

Fri, 20 May 2005 09:48:53 GMT

Happy Graduation to Me!

Man, this is a bad blog, isn't it? I didn't realize before this morning that it'd been nearly a month since I last posted anything. I'd make excuses (I've been insanely busy) but I'm sure that nobody's reading this anyway. Not that I'd care.

So yeah, as of about 4pm this afternoon I will graduate from Univeristy of Baltimore's Doctor of Communication Design program during a ceremony at the Lyric Opera House. Yup, just me and 450 of my most distant classmates jammed together in hot robes, each of us itching for our name to be called and wanting the whole thing to be over.

Not that I'm not excited, mind you...I'm really, really excited! It's been 7 years since Neil Kleinman talked me into being one of the first students in the wacky new program he'd started at UB. At the time it didn't seem like it'd be all that big of a deal. Many years later, here I am.

A lot's happened in those past 7 years. I've survived some pretty major surgery for broken bones in my leg and my shoulder. I've had a beautiful daughter. I've entered academia. I've published two books (Dot.Bomb and The Gamer's Alamanc). I've moved to Philadelphia (OK, technically pretty close). I bought a sailboat. I've traveled a bunch. I've learned a lot about life and love and everything else.

Somehow it seems appropriate that today is also the day that hot dog manufacturers and hot dog bun bakers have announced a truce to normalize the number of hot dogs and buns sold. I graduate. Hot dogs and buns are sold in like quantities. Dogs and cats living together. New York is giving away free nicotine patches. The real guts of the new Xbox 360 are revealed to be dual Mac G5's. What's next?

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 14:31:28 GMT

Real-World Tips for New Employees

Ahh! Spring is in the air and with the Spring comes many new changes, not the least of which are new jobs. For some reason it seems that many of my friends are in the midst of changing jobs (or looking for new ones) and I thought it might be useful if I cleared up many of the myths surrounding being a new employee. I did some checking around the Web and found a lot of sites listing "tips" for people starting new jobs and was horrified at the advice I saw. Talk about career killers! So, in the interests of public service I wanted to pass along this list of new job myths with some helpful clarifications:

MYTH: Know what your company does. Be ready to give a 30-second
overview to anyone that asks, from your friends to your grandma to your
next door neighbor.

FACT: Forget about what your company does. What's most important is
what YOU do there. Their products and services are generally of no
interest to your friends, relatives, and neighbors. Be ready to give a
30-second overview of your importance to the company, the perks you're
receiving (make some up if necessary), and the incompetence of your new
co-workers you were obviously hired to shepherd into greatness. The
most important thing is that everyone in your life be jealous of your
new job.

MYTH: Understand your role in contributing to the bottom line of the
company. Keep your eyes (and your career) focused on the big picture
rather than your own little cube.

FACT: The company's going to screw you no matter what you do. Keep your
eyes (and your career) focused on getting as much for yourself as
possible while avoiding any responsibility for negative results. Think
"plausible deniability" before beginning any new task.

MYTH: Get a copy of your company's most recent annual report and read
it cover to cover.

FACT: You're important. You've got far better things to do than read
boring annual reports. Read enough of the "About us" section on their
Web site so that you don't sound like a total dumbass and then spend
your first day learning more important things such as the personal
weaknesses of your co-workers, how many steps it takes you get to the
coffee maker, the daily routine of your boss (so you can duck out when
you need to), and where you can smoke.

MYTH: Dress conservatively--at or above the conservative median within
the company. You should always speak louder than your clothes.

FACT: Sex sells. "Conservative" might work if you want to spend your
whole miserable career unnoticed. If you really want to get ahead in
any company, make sure that most of the other employees spend their
days swiveling in their task chairs to stare at you as you walk by. If
you look hot all the time it doesn't matter what you say.

MYTH: Remember the names of those you are introduced to. In your first
few days on the job, jot down names until you remember them. They only
have to remember one new name, while you have scores.

FACT: The only people's names you have to remember are those who have
any direct authority over you. Remembering underlings'
names is a waste of time. If you must remember the riff-raff and what they do, give them suitably derrogatory nicknames so that you can refer to them in emails to friends. "Stink Boy,"
"Whiner," "Rabbit," and "Lifer" are some examples of names that may
help.

MYTH: Take the time to understand your company benefits plan. Don't
wait until you need to use one of the benefits to understand it.

FACT: Your first days on your new job are when you have the most
leverage. HR people will assume that you're new and don't know any
better and your boss will be scared that you might leave, throwing the
company into turmoil and forcing him or her to go through the painful
hiring process again. Don't worry about understanding the company
benefits plan: figure out what benefits you would like and demand them
immediately.

MYTH: Watch and emulate those who are successful in the company. Allow
them to be your mentors from afar.

FACT: "Mentors from afar?" How's THAT supposed to work? If you see
someone who's getting what you want and has some real authority in the
company, kiss up to them as much as possible. Get them coffee, slap
them on the back while telling jokes you've pulled off the Internet,
follow them to lunch, degrade co-workers you know they don't like, and
talk about sports. A lot. Watch your vocabulary, too: words and phrases
like "no," "that's not how that works," or "I disagree" are stoppers
that should be avoided at all costs while amongst successful co-workers.
Instead, liberal use of phrases like "yes!", "you're so smart!",
"brilliant!", and "you must work out all the time" will guarantee your
place in their hearts and assure your future success.

MYTH: Personalize your work area, but not too personal. Frame your
degree and hang it on the wall. Put a small picture on your desk. Get a
nameplate so everyone will know who you are.

FACT: Personalizing your workspace with your diploma will only get you
laughed at unless you went to an Ivy League school. And unless you're
the CEO or work as the receptionist (loser!), forget about the
nameplate...it's tacky. The first few days on the job are all about
acquiring territory and establishing your dominance over those around
you. After all, you're the new person and obviously highly important to
the company. Why else would they have hired you? Spread out! If you
share a cube, make sure your stuff spreads on to your co-worker's
desk...they'll be too embarassed to say anything because you're new. If
you have to bring your own coffee cup, make sure yours is bigger than
everyone else's so it takes up the most space in the kitchen cabinet
and makes a big impression at meetings. Demand more server space and a
higher email attachment limit for your "important" documents (read:
MP3s and video files you've pirated over the company network). If you
have an office with a door, leave boxes in the hallway so that people
will know that you've arrived. The point is this: if you don't take
over your new territory during the first few days, you never will.
Think big.

MYTH: If your employer provides the option, have your paycheck set up
for direct deposit. It will save you the time and hassle of depositing
each paycheck and will give you quicker access to your money.

FACT: Direct deposit is for chumps. You want cash. A little known fact
is that most employers "shave" money from direct deposited checks
knowing that most employees will never notice. If you must use direct
deposit, make sure you take the time to create a few documents listing
your salary laying around so that others will notice. Add a zero or two
to show just how important you are. Nobody else will now the truth and
it'll drive your co-workers insane with jealousy.

I hope this helps.

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 10:51:32 GMT

The Wonders of the Geekosphere

I know I said I wasn't going to be reposting lots of links here, but this just struck me as far too wonderful not to share with you, all 3 of my readers. If this leaves you cold then you need to go turn in your geek card right now.

Behold the wonders of a capella Nintendo themes! The existance of this proves that there's nothing that doesn't exist somewhere on the Web.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 09:46:58 GMT

It's my birthday!

Yup, today's my birthday and I am now 37 years old. I'm proud to share this day with father of our country Thomas Jefferson (1743), outlaw Butch Cassidy (1866), playwright Samuel Beckett (1906), writer Eudora Welty (1909), Get Smart's Don Adams (1923), Wonder Woman's Lyle Waggoner (1935), singer Al Green (1946), chess master Gary Kasparov (1963), and Silver Spoon's Ricky "Rick" Schroder (1970). Today is also the day that the first elephant to come to the US arrived in New York City (1796), the day that Pete Rose got his first major league hit for the Reds (1963), the day that "Grease" closed on Broadway in 1980 after 3,388 performances (probably 3,387 too many), and the day in 1981 when Janet Cook won the Pulitzer for feature writing only to have it taken away after she admitted she made up the whole story. Most exciting of all, the Transportation and Parking Advisory Committee of the University of Florida held a groundbreaking meeting in 2004 where they discussed pressing issues such as the Women's Gym Garden and Cultural Plaza Pay Visitor Parking. I think that if nothing else, this motley collection of people and events proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that astrology is bullshit.

Thirty-seven seems like such a non-event birthday, halfway between the downhill-slide age of 35 and the really over the hill age of 40. Statistically, today marks the exact middle of my life expectancy, a fact that I have a fairly hard time grasping. Ray Kurzweil seems to think that I may be young enough to live forever, though I don't think that anyone really groks what that would mean. Who'd want all these old geezers hanging around, screwing things up for the young? Since people tend to become more conservative as they age and because anyone's who's got immortality in their grasp would want to hold on to it, one can only imagine how stultifying a society based on immortality would be. Maybe if everyone over 100 agreed to get on an interstellar vessel and head out into space it could possibly work. But I doubt it: exploration is generally a task left to the young and driven. People centuries old would probably want to sit at home and kibitz with their old friends. I can only imagine a world where all meals are "early bird specials," where all cars are huge luxury cruisers, and where nostalgia replaces dreaming.

Increasingly I'm struck by how young I still am. I know when I was 18, 37 sounded ancient...hell, my 25 year old teachers seemed old! But as I look around and look at what I've done and what there's still left for me to do, thirty seven starts to look pretty good.

I guess the weirdest thing for me is that I don't feel 37. If someone caught me in an unguarded moment and asked me how old I was, I think my first impulse would be to say 21. Not that I haven't matured (OK...that is a debatable point), but I just don't feel like what I'd always thought 37 year olds would feel like. I always pictured people my age as serious, boring, and focused on the practical details of life. I feel anything but that. In fact, I'm pretty darn proud of the fact that I've resisted the pressure to become one of those boring people. Don't get me wrong. I'm not denying they exist...they do and they're all around us all the time leading lives of quiet desperation. Nope, I'm just saying that my proudest accomplishment is that my life turned out to be pretty freakin' interesting.

And you can't ask for a better birthday present than that.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 09:09:29 GMT

DIY Revolution Opening Pics...finally!

If I wasn't so freakin' lazy (or so ridiculously busy) these images would have been up last week. As it is, this morning's the first time I've gotten a chance to post them. Sorry. Sort of.

Anyway, what you're looking at is pictures from the opening of my zine show on April 7th at the Design Center at Philadelphia University. It went pretty well I thought (about 80 people total maybe?), though the folks at the Design Center were bummed there weren't more people. For me, I was happy: my friends and colleagues were there, I was surrounded by cool stuff, and I got to see some punk rock on the patio of a house with a grand piano-shaped pool. How bad can that be? Personally, I chalk up the attendance deficit to the fact that they didn't want to serve booze on account of the students showing up. But as much as that chafed me (I volunteered to card people...no dice), I totally understood. Sigh.

The opening room of the gallery. We suspended about 100 zines in polybags on monofilament from a wire grid system on the ceiling.

The second room. Mail art got installed in the shelves and the computer displayed a list of zines that had crossed over from print to the Web over the years. My biggest regret is Beyond Cyberpunk (the disc version) won't run on modern computers and couldn't be displayed.

The final room. A goodwill couch, a butterfly chair, and a coffee table loaded down with goodies made a period-appropriate sitting spot for slackers who wanted to lounge. That's Gareth Branwyn (who co-curated the show) and his son Blake Malouf holding court.

The Random Houses. They rocked and annoyed the neighbors, I'm sure. Perfect.

Unknown weird old guy. He drove up in a 73 Nova packed to the roof with paper, pulled out his own reading material, and sat around the gallery until he was kicked out. It ain't an opening without an immobile eccentric!

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 21:27:15 GMT

On the joys of gardening and gaming

There's something to be said about activities that turn your brain off and let you just be. For some reason, digging in the dirt does that to me. It's strange how similar they are when you're in the middle of them, just doing, focused on the task at hand. There's nothing by you and what you're doing, a brief respite that, at the moment, seems to last forever.

A friend of mine once told me that men are capable of thinking about absolutely nothing because of they way their brains are constructed. Today I believed that. Just pure blankness: no time, no "action items," no long term spinning of thoughts that can't be resolved. The joys of gardening and gaming are that they block out everything else and allow Nothing to enter. For a moment at least.

But maybe it's work in general. Not "work" in the intellectual sense that we fool ourselves into thinking we're doing when we're taking up valuable real estate in an office all day. At least for me...I've never been able to lose myself in my "work" until I had something that focued all my attention, that demanded total focus and often involved repetitive tasks that left no room for ambiguity. Perhaps that's what really does it: eliminating ambiguity, the grey spaces that leave us room to think about what we're doing. Gardening and gaming: either you're winning or you're losing, either you're digging or you're standing still. Binary states have an awful lot to offer.

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 10:19:10 GMT

Sustainable Advertising

It's kind of hard to trace the history of sustainable design, the idea that buildings and landscapes and products should be designed to be environmentally friendly, but it's definitely been around since the environmental movements of the 60's and the realities of the first big energy crunches of the 70's. But what used to be seen as a fringe-y, crunchy-granola movement lead by hippies who wanted to live in geodesic domes has now become pretty mainstream. In fact, I found it pretty heartening and amazing that all the kids in the Industrial Design program at my school seem to have an understanding of it lodged into their brains to the level that it's just become second nature. Sure, they're young and idealistic, but as far as I can tell, they wouldn't dream of designing something that uses materials that won't biodegrade for a million years, clogging up landfills and leeching toxic chemicals into the groundwater for all of eternity.

But after talking to them over the past 9 months, I've begun to wonder if the same principles can be applied to other forms of design. Is sustainable graphic design possible? Is sustainable digital design possible? Of course, all digital design is created from recycled bits to begin with, bits which often go back to the datasphere way too easily, so maybe that's a rediculous concept. But musing on the subject more did get me thinking: is sustainable advertising possible?

The first time I thought of the phrase, I laughed. Aren't the ideas of sustainability and environmental responsibility completely antithetical to advertising? Advertising is about driving consumption in ever-increasing amounts. Advertising is about creating desire and selling you shit you don't need. Advertising is about appealing to baser aspects of human nature such as greed, envy, and lust. In the context of sustainability, isn't advertising the root of the problem, not the solution? Aren't the words "sustainability" and "advertising" mutually exclusive?

Maybe not. Sustainability has taken firm hold in architecture, that ego-driven profession that so often used to be about building monuments to stave off eternity and display excess to the world. It's also taken root in the minds of those who design products that we're all driven to buy via advertising. It's taken decades and we're still a long way from everyone realizing that raping the Earth is a bad idea, but the momentum is there. The concept of building green buildings isn't just relegated to some Mother Jones-type log-frame home stinking of compost anymore, but has gotten a lot of traction in the corporate world. Sustainability has become hip, and products coming out of companies with sustainable design in mind don't scream their environmental-friendliness as much as show off the fact that they're designed well to begin with and happen to also be good for the environment. They Toyota Prius is a prime example of this: people stand in line to get it not because it's some goofy looking electric car but because it looks pretty cool and allows people to feel pretty good about themselves. As Bruce Hannah told me the other day when he was down and giving a talk here, people wouldn't buy it if it didn't burn rubber when you stomped on the gas. And it does.

So what would a sustainable advertising movement look like? And is it even possible? I think that at heart, a sustainable advertising movement would have to recognize that advertising is necessary to the economy and isn't undesirable in and of itself. As much as I admire folks like those at Adbusters, I think that some approach that holds at its heart that capitalism is fundamentally evil and that some kind of collective approach where we all go back to hand-making our clothes, growing our own food, and stop driving cars is doomed to failure. Nobody will buy it and it runs completely counter to the kind of forces that have driven innovation and progress throughout the centuries. I learned as a kid who moved to a farm from the suburbs of Washington DC that the pastoral ideal is bullshit. Getting back to the land and living in small communities doesn't make people better. People in the coutnry have the same desires, petty problems, and prejudices as people in the cities...maybe even more. People are people.

No, I think that the idea of sustainable advertising has to be one that recognizes the bare fact that there are limited resources in the world, that we can't keep living beyond our means (environmentally and financially), and that everyone has a responsibility to make the world a better place. Those fundamental principles have nothing to do with censorship or forcing a worldview down anyone's throat but with an ethic that says "No, it's not right to keep getting people to buy tons of shit they don't need and can't afford."

In a world where global warming and peak oil are realities that we're all going to have to deal with, it seems massively irresponsible for those of us in the communications industries to continue to promote a system that can't work anymore. Just as architects have come around and have realized that designing buildings that don't suck up megawatts of energy doesn't make sense and product designers have begun to understand that building products that require vast amounts of petroleum and will stick around forever in our trash, advertisers and advertising agencies need to start thinking about what it means to do our jobs in a world of limits.

Can this make economic sense? I think so, because I don't think it means that the whole process of making and promoting and selling goods is a bad one. Heck, I like stuff myself! But maybe what it's about is the promotion of better stuff rather than more stuff. Maybe it's about an aesthetic celebrates responsibility.

These thoughts aren't fully formed yet (as you can tell), but it seems to me that the concept of responsibility is one that those of us in the biz haven't really spent nearly enough time talking about. We get judged by how much we sell, regardless of the impact of what we sell on the world and the people in it. The industry typically sees itself as a neutral party in the process, one that makes no judgements about the products it promotes and the audiences it promotes them to. Unfortunately that kind of thinking doesn't seem...well...sustainable anymore.